Anger Management

These are the things I would like to be screaming at my husband right now but I'm not because I'm trying to control my temper.

-THANK YOU for showing up an hour late so that I completely missed the baby shower I was planning on attending today.
I REALIZE that my options include a) take the kids with me, b) find a sitter, or c) skip the party. I would like to point out that a) if I take the kids with me I don't enjoy the adult time and it ruins the entire point, b) I have no job and no money and calling my mother every time I need an hour isn't an option because she kind of has a life, c) well, GREAT I get to choose option c again.-

So mostly I'm mad at myself. How stupid is that? Yeah, when I get angry I feel guilty and get even more disgusted and angry with myself because I shouldn't get angry, right? It's wrong to feel that way so it really sucks that I feel that way a lot. Also, I get all 'you should have planned it better' on myself because I could have figured out another way to get someone to watch my kids or something, like it's COMPLETELY my fault every time. I tell myself that I know my husband well enough by now to know that he has complete disregard for what I want to do. His time is so much more valuable than mine and my lack of planning is actually the problem. I should know better by now than to count on him for something like this...

So now I feel guilty, angry, and frustrated and I could have avoided it all by simply letting them know I wouldn't make it in the first place because now I look like the slacker who spaced it or something. Again, my fault, my guilt, my marriage.