Happy St. Patrick's Day

This video of the Muppets doing Danny Boy made me laugh.

http://youtu.be/riXcinqDeCI

      The day was a little rough.  Not so much luck.  My iron was too low to donate blood this morning.  Only mildly frustrating for me, I can try again in a few days.  More frustrating was Jared found out that since he had a 20 min. layover in a banned country he can't donate blood for a full year.
      While driving the kids around to do some errands this morning we were in an accident in the parking lot at Costco.  A man making a turn swung too wide and hit the side of my van.  We were both going slow but it still popped the side door in and messed up the paint job on most of the side of my van.  No one was hurt.  We both have good insurance.  I have an appointment Wednesday to get an estimate on the repair of the damage.  Jared says since it's the side door and the back panel dented in then it will be more than a quick fix and I'll have to get a rental car.  Last time we had to get a rental car they didn't have a van, this time I have too many kids to get in anything smaller than a van.  ugh.
      This is the first car accident I've been in where I was one of the drivers.  Also, all my kids in the car.  By the time I got home I just wanted to sit down and cry but I don't let myself do that in front of my kids.
      Jared had to work all day so I still had to deal with all the kids and everything even though I was pretty much frazzled by lunch time.
      Jared promised the kids a while back that we would all go out for sushi tonight.  We went to the sushi place just north/east of the 500 E American Fork exit.  They have good sushi, much better than the place on State Street near the bowling alley here in Orem or the place by Golden Corral (also here in Orem).  I don't like taking all the kids out to eat anywhere because the little ones just can't sit still that long and for some reason I always end up taking everyone to the bathroom at least once and usually twice while my food sits and gets cold.  Tonight, for some strange reason, Jessica freaked out about sitting in the high chair so I also ended up with her on my lap for the whole meal.  It's just not worth the aggravation for me.  Even if the food is really good I don't get to enjoy it.  I think it would be a good place to go with a group of grown-ups.
      It's ten o'clock and I'm exhausted every which way.

John Stossel's - Illegal Everything

Here is a link to The 42 minute video on YouTube .
Stossel made so many good points in this video.  I watched it early this morning and then went to feed my kids breakfast afterwards.  I was thinking about the movie so I let my kids demonstrate some of the ideas for me by giving them some freedom in their breakfast choices.  They all chose a small handful of chocolate chips but they also wanted a banana, a glass of milk, and either oatmeal or toast.  No one went for the fruit loops, the lemonade, the Ritz crackers, the eggs, the cheese, or the spinach.  So maybe I didn't prove anything but it was interesting to me to see the choices they made.
More Americans really need to understand the main point of choice and accountability.  If all your choices are taken away you are basically responsible for nothing in your life.  You can't be held accountable and you don't have to make the mental effort of deciding anything.  I see so many people being herded along in life and they don't even know it.  Human being are meant to be challenged by choices and problems.  Our brains are too complicated and our spirits too strong to want to just submit to what's "safe" and "easy" for us.  I appreciate a good warning as much as the next guy but I don't want to be unable to try something where I feel the risk is acceptable.
I'm a reasonable person (as far as I can tell) and most of the time I try to make reasonable decisions.  While I have been to Nevada I have never gambled.  I am old enough to drink but I choose not to.  I have never wanted to smoke and have turned down offers of various 'smokables' over the years.  The only drugs I have ever taken were prescription and I took fewer than suggested (I don't even take the full dose of Tylenol).  I have tried rock climbing and bungee jumping and I loved both but now that I have kids I don't do either of them.  I don't want the government saving me from myself by legislation.  Rules are necessary for society but when even the enforcers can't figure out the rules there is something horribly wrong with they system.  There aren't enough police in the world to keep us all from eating donuts and bacon for breakfast, unless we let them.

Note to Anita Stansfield

The book club ladies convinced me to read your books.
I actually like them.
I have to say one thing; rich people in England got married by license, not by banns.  The rest of the anachronisms I'm ignoring, but this one you've tried to pass off one to many times.
I told myself if one more wealthy landowner informs his bride-to-be that they just need to post the banns I was going to have to take my disgruntlement public.
So there you go.
Check the Parish Registers if you need to.  1700's, 1800's, it says right in there, whether by license or by banns.  Rich = license, other status = banns.
Don't worry, I've banned myself from posting this three weeks in a row.  One crack at your artistic license is going to suit me fine.

I'm Sure It's Good

Me - Would you like to read what I've been working on?
X- No.  I'm sure if you wrote it it's good.

I think it was meant as a compliment.
It felt like a knife in the back.

Whack-A-Mole

     You know that game? The one where you have the big hammer and you have to hit the heads that pop up out of the box? I've seen it at arcades and the Chuck-E-Cheese here has a version with shark heads...
     Anyway, it's sort of my mental image of my husband at night.
     Let me explain.
     We have five kids. For some reason my kids are not the best sleepers. My husband, on the other hand, is an EXCELLENT sleeper. My kids will wake up at night needing food, drinks, comfort, diaper changes, someone to clean up the barf, etc. and I will be the one to handle it. The kids or I can try to wake up my husband but it just doesn't work. His head will come up, then it falls back onto the pillow. Hence, Whack-A-Mole.
     Very few times have I given in to the temptation to actually whack him with anything. I am super proud of the restraint I have shown. The few times I did whack him it was usually with a pillow. The whacking has never had any effect. He has no memory of any of it the next morning.
     Also, I've decided it's safer to just get up with the kids and handle it myself rather than forcing my semi-conscious husband to get up. See, there was this incident shortly after the birth of our second child... Well, it all turned out fine but after the ER visit I decided the peace of mind was possibly more important than the sleep.

A few weeks without internet

My internet has been down for two weeks.  I am typing this at my parent's house.

I have been amazed to find how much more I get done without internet and how crazy it makes me to not be connected.  I have worked on projects, and cleaned and organized more of my house than I usually get done in a week.  I want to have my internet back even though it apparently slows me down in some aspects of my life.  Jared and I have both called Prime Time Communications pretty much every day and they keep telling us it will be fixed very soon.

We were able to enjoy a wedding and family reunion last week with cousins and friends.  Lots of fun.  I'll have to post pictures later.

My research and indexing are getting rather behind since I am only able to work on them on Sunday afternoons at the FHC/Library while Jared keeps the kids busy.

Thursday Thoughts - Family

A second cousin of my husband found me on the internet and we have been exchanging family history and family currently information.  I had to try to explain some of the issues with my husband's family deciding not to speak to each other for a couple of decades and then carrying out that plan.  I recently met one of Jared's brothers on facebook (first time I had ever made contact of any kind with him and I've been married to Jared for more than a decade).  Jared has one sister I still have yet to meet or talk to as she has nothing to do with the family.  So anyway, this cousin asked if I knew the names of Jared's first cousins (his father's only brother's children).  Nope, no clue.  Jared doesn't know either.  This is NUTS!  I can name like a hundred of my cousins (yes, I actually have that many, it's a big family) and even the ones I have never really gotten to know I still have names and addresses for.  Jared has ONE uncle and spoke to him the first time a few years ago when I found the uncle on the internet.  At least the internet cousin was understanding, he said his father was the same way with his uncle so maybe it's an inherited trait in their family.  Whatever.

Walking in front of reflective surfaces

I went to Target the other day and walked in front of the large windows to the front office in the front of the store and saw how I look from behind and beside.  I don't have any full-length mirrors around my house.  I was not thrilled with the view.  I am going to have to do something about this.

Venting and Complaining

Can I have a do-over on today, please?

     Round 1: First off it started at around 4am, not a good time to start the day.  Took a while to get the baby back to sleep and by then I couldn't sleep because my brain was in one of those holding pattern things it does where I can't shut off the hamster wheel.  Subject of crazy brain circles? - teething tablets.  Yeah, Andrew is teething and it's frustrating because he is just cranky and miserable.  So my brother told me to try teething tablets and this morning at about 4:45 I looked them up on the internet.  First thing I see is a recall alert for Hyland teething tablets and I know he mentioned that name so suddenly I'm trying to figure out if I should call him and tell him not to feed them to my nephew anymore.  I talk myself out of this because I'm pretty sure he would be cranky to be up that early (I know I was) and nothing could be done about the pills anyway.  Also, I don't want to make him think I'm judging his parenting because I think they are doing fine but I'm sure I would end up coming across all "you're poisoning your child" so I just posted the link to the recall to their page, my page, and the page of another friend who also said Hyland was the way to go.  Then I tried to go back to bed but mostly tossed and turned until 7:30 when I was awakened by my husband who was frustrated because our 7 year-old wouldn't get up and was going to be late for school and also because he couldn't find his shoes.  I tried to calm him down and did the whole "where did you last see them" thing with him because he does tend to just kick them off someplace.  The shoes were found behind the couch with a bunch of other stuff the same 7 year-old had stuffed back there instead of cleaning the room.  sigh.  Husband calmed down some and took 7 year-old to school.  Have to deal with her later.
      Round 2: Husband returns to finish getting ready for work and cheerfully informs me he will have to work this weekend.  I bite my tongue on cranky remarks and remind him that it's his sons birthday today and this weekend would be a good time to have a party or something.  Also, I ask him if he ever got a cake mix (I've asked him to do this a few times over the last week).  No, he wasn't really thinking of the birthday, never did get a cake mix, and is still planning on working this weekend.  He leaves for a quick trip to the store to get a cake mix.  Comes back, drops off cake mix, leaves for work.  April is okay with TV, Andrew and Jessica are still sleeping, I have vague hopes of going to sleep for just a few minutes.  Baby starts to cry and phone rings, buddy of Jared's couldn't find Jared's cell number, can I give it to him.  Yeah.  Crying baby wakes up big brother and the day has really begun.
      Round 3: Deal with diapers and food.  Baby is cranky and Andrew is cranky.  Get things settled down and go to check my e-mail.  Find angry message from person not to be named about me sending a reminder to vote that somehow offended this person.  Crap.  The reminder was simple hope you vote and had a smiley face at the end.  A SMILEY FACE!!  How is that offensive?  I checked the message I sent just in case I had spelled something wrong and put in a swear word accidentally or something.  Nope.  So I should have waited 24 hours to respond or something but I was already like 5 hours into my day at 9am and I wrote back that I wasn't questioning this persons life or intelligence and had sent the same reminder to A LOT of people.  So I'm hoping this person is just having one of those days, I certainly am, and will be fine again next time I see them.  Deal with some of the mess, start some laundry, feel beginnings of a headache and it's not even 10am.
      Round 4: Sister-in-law writes to inform me that while they did say they were going to buy the Hyland brand of teething tablets they found out about the recall and bought Little Teethers (after consulting the pharmacist) instead.  I missed that part.  Now I feel like an idiot but I'm even more glad I didn't call before 5 to tell them not to poison their child.  Spend a few minutes calling myself an idiot and questioning whether I should ever use the internet again because apparently I have problems.  20 minutes of research on the internet lead me to believe I am indeed an idiot because I can't figure out the pros and cons on the safety of the teething tablets.  Medical jargon confuses me.  People say they're great, but I'm undecided.  Headache continues.  I give up.
       Round 5: Suddenly realize that if husband isn't going to be home on Saturday I have to get Andrew's pictures taken today (you will never be able to follow the logic on this one so don't try) so I call the studio and get an appointment for 5:30 this evening.  Only available time is during dinner time for Andrew.  Politely take appointment while kicking myself for not making two appointments and then cancelling one because this kind of thing happens all the time around here with husband's schedule and punctuality issues.
      Round 6: Baby refuses to take morning nap.
      Round 7: Lunch is very late and kids are cranky.  I am hitting the edge of what I can handle.  I type blog entry to vent it all out.  Now I have to get back to work, I still have to be the mom.

Motivation

      I've hit that phase right after the postpartum has mostly ebbed where I'm just kind of low on energy and motivation. I'm not sure if it's something to do with hormones, iron deficiency, some kind of vitamin imbalance from not getting out much, sleep cycle issues, or a cocktail of all of them enough to cause paralysis of the will power. It's the phase where I just don't feel like getting up in the morning. I literally wait for the baby to start crying before I drag myself out and every day I think to myself that if I had gotten out of bed when I woke up I could have exercised, gotten some housework done, maybe had a shower. I give myself guilt over not getting going fast enough so the rest of the day seems to be rushed with me trying to catch up to the kids and the house that are ahead of me in the avalanche of life.
      Some things I do to try and "fix" this are; taking vitamins, riding the exercise bicycle, working at some of my hobbies like scrapbooking and journal writing, setting goals, making lists, giving myself pep talks, praying, reading scriptures, and playing music I like. These usually do it for me but during this down phase they just don't have the same zip and it seems like so much more work than enjoyment to get to them. I am not sure if it's still part of the depression because one of the signs of depression is lack of interest in what you usually enjoy but this is less a lack of interest as a lack of time to get to them and hence a discouragement over that. In other words, I'm just so busy with the new baby and the work of life in general that I don't have time for me so I get discouraged and don't take time for me. Vicious cycle? Sort of.
      I would much rather have this phase than the deep sadness and random crying jags with horrible fear of death or harming my kids phase that is what it is for about eight weeks after I have the baby. There's no fighting that phase. This phase has light and hope and moments of happiness in it that create a kind of balance if I can keep from becoming guilt ridden and discouraged. People that have never gone through real depression think this is what depression is but the real stuff, well, it's so... I don't know, there aren't words.

Snow

Usually there is "warning snow", a few days of snow that falls and does not actually make big puffy drifts on the ground but rather melts and goes away.  Not this time.  Big puffy inches of snow overnight.  Durn.

Today Is My Due Date

My kids keep asking me what time today we are having the baby, after all, it is my due date.

Friends and family are calling me just to see if I am still home.

I am feeling very pregnant and not feeling much in the way of contractions.

All these things add up to a certain level of frustrated anticipation.

I would like to call for a modification of the "due date", something like the "due date spectrum" or the "due date range" in which you get more like a 14 day window of dates from the earliest date your doctor will induce you to the latest your doctor will let you go before inducing you. Not that I want to be induced, that's just crummy, but that it gives a better feeling for when you are possibly going to have that baby. Pregnant women could then give out the range of dates and mentally feel less stress over the one day you are supposed to have that baby.

Yeah, well, it's a random idea because I just want to bean the next person who says "You haven't had that baby yet!?" In the same tone of voice they would use to ask/accuse you of a multitude of sins and failings. Thank you to the people who just ask how I'm doing and move on to other subjects, I can't get away from the whole pregnant thing, distractions are appreciated.

Throwing a pity party.

I am in such a bad mood.

I am 37 weeks pregnant tomorrow and the heat wave is getting to me.

My family has tons of things I need to do for them but when I ask for help they are too busy. I've quit asking for help as the guilt and stress are becoming overwhelming.

I feel crummy all the time. Eating makes me feel sick and gives me terrible heartburn. Not eating makes me sick and gives me terrible nausea. Nothing sounds good.

I've got this crazy notion going (I'm trying to talk myself out of it) that all the people in my family who have informed me, or just demonstrated rather blatantly, that I have offended them deeply over 'whatever' lately are just coming up with excuses as to why they are going to be unavailable to help me out any in the next few weeks.
I've never had anyone come help me for more than an hour or two when I had a baby so I guess it's not super necessary but it hurts my feelings that family members went to help my sister-in-law with her first baby for over a week and had a "we will drop everything to help her" attitude that I tried my best to enthusiastically support.

I'm not myself right now. I guess you can chalk it up to hormones, exhaustion, etc.

No pajama goal

Well, I made it to yesterday with the goal to get up and get myself presentable first thing in the morning. I even put on lipstick and eye-liner every day. That's pretty big for me because I don't wear makeup most of the time. I actually kind of enjoyed having the goal and doing pretty well at it but the part where I go into the closet and select something from the over-size shirts and panel pants for pregnancy was a bit of a downer.

Yesterday I was just too miserable to make it out of the pj's. By the time I went to bed last night I had heartburn so bad I felt like a dull spoon was digging into my chest. I tried naps, snacks, TUMS, and just waiting it out but the tummy problems of the morning just got worse all day. So, I didn't make it into real clothes until late afternoon when I had to take Kylie to dance class. No makeup.

Today I got up, got dressed, and got going but since I didn't get a single thing done around the house yesterday I was confronted with the depressing amount of housework that can pile up in a single day around here. I'd like to hire someone to come in once or twice a week and help me out (one of my under-employed siblings or a teenager on the block) but having anyone see this mess is so embarrassing and I'm too far gone to do the crazy-clean-before-company-arrives thing at this point. SIGH

Sorry about the pajamas

I find myself still in my pajamas later and later every day. I got to 4 pm today (time to drive Kylie to dance class) before changing. This is becoming something of a problem and I'm having some serious guilt. I've got lots of good reasons, the pajamas just fit my distorted pregnant figure better being the main one but it's kind of making me feel all frumpy.
The problem starts in the morning when I have a good chance of waking up feeling crummy and often nauseous. I grab some breakfast, take care of any immediate kid issues (their breakfast, clean diapers, etc.) then I tend to curl up in a ball on the couch or the bed for a little while while the kids watch something on TV and I wait for my stomach to settle. Pajamas are nicely conducive to curling and settling.
With all the kids awake it is almost dangerous to get in the shower for even the 10 minutes I have learned to live with. There will be faintly heard shrieking over the sound of the water and I don't dare shut the door all the way or it's just asking for trouble, kind of a Murphy's Law thing. So no shower, no real reason to change clothes...
I get some housework done, chase the kids, then it's time to fix lunch. With my belly sticking out in this awkward shelf there's like a 80% chance I'm going to spill something down my front. So I don't want to be wearing the good maternity blouses because I hate buying maternity clothes. Pajama top with some slight staining seems like a much less bothersome laundry issue than expensive maternity tops made of fabric that always seems to stain more easily and then show stains so much more prominently across stretchy belly fabric...
After lunch I can drive Kylie to kindergarten without being seen outside of the car so I sometimes don't bother changing out of the pj's for that one either. Nap time for Andrew and April comes next and that's about when I can sneak in a shower, handle a few things and sometimes even take a bit of a nap myself. More and more often I just can't get up the energy to do more than flop down and watch Sesame Street with April until we both pass out on the couch and then I wake up to the sound of the school age people returning and demanding snacks, help with homework, and the usual other stuff.
It's getting kind of pathetic. I don't really have a reason to get dressed until just before Jared comes home. It's kind of nice to know I still at least want to be out of my pajamas for my husband but it's also discouraging in that on the days when I have really been miserable, sick, tired, and uncomfortable all day to the point where I didn't bother getting out of the pj's he doesn't notice.
So yeah, frumpy mom is settling in more and more. I've never been a big primper and high-maintenance type but when even the jeans are too much effort I know I'm on the wrong end of a slippery slope. I'm starting to need one of those "mommy makeovers" they give to the women like me.

Mushrooms

Kid: Mom! Did you know the mushrooms in the front yard taste just like mushrooms?
Mom: AAAAaaaargh!

Yes, apparently one of my kids and a few of the neighborhood kids all got together and picked and ate the tiny patch of mushrooms growing in the grass in my front yard.

The mom of the kid next door called poison control.

Poison control gave us great news; there are only a few varieties of mushrooms growing wild in our area that cause death. The ones that kill you do it relatively quickly by shutting down your internal organs. There is no antidote.

Since the kids ate all the mushrooms we couldn't even take a sample in to find out if they're a dangerous kind or not.

It's not like we don't feed these kids. I shell out big money for popsicles, popcorn, pretzels and fruit snacks for the roving neighborhood kid pack. I know other moms on this street do the same. So I have to ask, what are these kids doing eating mushrooms out of the lawn? Who had this bright idea?

No one died; or even got a tiny bit ill, except for a few moms who had minor stress related symptoms. The kids have promised not to ever eat any mushrooms they find in the grass.

I now have the number for poison control stuck to my refrigerator and added to my phone list.

Halloween Candy Insanity

I have been doing really well at avoiding the sweets. Due to a nursing baby who suffers if I serve "chocolate milk" I have had to stay away from the chocolate enough that I know it makes a difference in my diet. Halloween has ruined all that. I did pretty well for about four days and then it started to get to me. Literally calling my name from the pantry shelves...
So yesterday I busted into a bag of mini Snickers left over from the big day and had 'a few'. They were very yummy. Today the baby is barfy and I feel so guilty and yet, the bag continues to call to me.
I gave away one bag to my sister yesterday to avoid more temptation but there are still three large bowls full of the candy my children collected plus two bags of the stuff we were passing out. How did we get back so much more than we passed out? I am seriously considering just letting my kids have at it until they are completely sick and have learned their lesson. Yeah, not gonna happen, the lesson learning part I mean. I know from my own experience as a child that you don't really learn not to eat too much candy when it's offered like this, look at me now scarfing down the bag of Snickers... did not learn lesson as child.
My biggest problem is my kid #2 who has issues with sugar/food. She is completely nuts when it comes to candy like this. First she has a messed up metabolism or something, so with her, a tiny bit of sugar turns her into a monster much like the Hulk or some kind of inverted Popeye. She goes nuts, she can't focus, she throws tantrums (age 6 it's not pretty) and she becomes obsessed with things eg;

her: can I paint the wall?
me: no.
her: can I paint the wall now?
me: no.
her: can I paint the wall just a little bit?
me: NOOOO!
her: waaaaah! I want to paint the wall so baaaaad!!!! waaaah!

Like what is that? OCD on sugar? She's always hungry and I get that, she does have sort of a high-energy lifestyle but the sugar thing is like throwing gasoline on a fire. My three other kids do not have this problem, just her.
So here I am trying to ration out like 15lbs of Halloween candy between three kids and wishing more of the neighbors were the cruel people who give out toothbrushes, stickers, pencils, and fake vampire teeth. WE WANT CANDY!

Anger Management

I'm really tired.
For the last three nights my kids have succeeded in keeping me up at least most of the night.
I just want to get some sleep.
Last night my husband decides to give me the long narrative of his day at 11pm when I've finally gotten everyone in bed.
I did mention once or twice that I was completely worn out and wanted to just sleep.
Apparently a couple of his friends are considering changing jobs and I needed to know all about it.
When he was finished, an hour later, he rolled over and started to snore.
The baby started to cry within seconds of my husband falling asleep.
About four hours later I crawled into bed.
My husband got up at 6:30 and took a long hot shower for more than an hour.
The baby woke up at 6:45.

I am sure, that not once - during his long hot shower - did my husband ever consider, for even a moment, taking a five minute shower and then keeping the baby busy so that I could sleep for an hour.

So if anyone out there is thinking hey, she got two hours and forty-five minutes of sleep, she will be just fine! Maybe you should go find another blog to read.

For those of you thinking, she should have just asked her husband to watch the baby, I was too tired to deal with his eye-rolling 'why me' attitude without losing it and screaming like a banshee (would have woken up other kids) or bursting into tears (I can never sleep when I'm crying).

And so; I blog.

Anger Management

These are the things I would like to be screaming at my husband right now but I'm not because I'm trying to control my temper.

-THANK YOU for showing up an hour late so that I completely missed the baby shower I was planning on attending today.
I REALIZE that my options include a) take the kids with me, b) find a sitter, or c) skip the party. I would like to point out that a) if I take the kids with me I don't enjoy the adult time and it ruins the entire point, b) I have no job and no money and calling my mother every time I need an hour isn't an option because she kind of has a life, c) well, GREAT I get to choose option c again.-

So mostly I'm mad at myself. How stupid is that? Yeah, when I get angry I feel guilty and get even more disgusted and angry with myself because I shouldn't get angry, right? It's wrong to feel that way so it really sucks that I feel that way a lot. Also, I get all 'you should have planned it better' on myself because I could have figured out another way to get someone to watch my kids or something, like it's COMPLETELY my fault every time. I tell myself that I know my husband well enough by now to know that he has complete disregard for what I want to do. His time is so much more valuable than mine and my lack of planning is actually the problem. I should know better by now than to count on him for something like this...

So now I feel guilty, angry, and frustrated and I could have avoided it all by simply letting them know I wouldn't make it in the first place because now I look like the slacker who spaced it or something. Again, my fault, my guilt, my marriage.